Today Dan asked me to write about my life here with the other rats and with Dan.  He asked me a few times and since I don’t understand English real well, it presented a few problems. Number one, the whole time he was asking me to write the article, I just wanted treats. Chocolate treats are great.  I also love anything with cheese. So he’s over there babbling on about writing some dumb page and I’m still waiting for my treat. After I peed and pood in the corner, I went over some of the other problems.  Number two, I don’t write real well. In fact, right now I’m barely just under five months, so my writing skills haven’t developed too much. I barely understand English. Sure, I know what “stop” means. I know “get off there,” “come out here,” “get the hell off there,” “no,” “get off there right now or you’ll be sorry,” “you’re pissing me off, Rupert,” and “get down.”  I seem to hear those phrases a lot. Number three, I don’t type well. Yes, I do love to get on the keyboard and run around. But honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing. One key on that dang keyboard is three times the size of one of my hands! So typing is hard for me. Number four, I don’t remember things real well. I’m just a rat. And Number five, the whole time he was asking me to write the article, I just wanted treats. Chocolate treats are great.  I also love anything with cheese.

So with Dan’s help, a lot of help, and a lot of treats,  I have managed to squeak out this page:

I was born around Christmas in 1999 and ended up in a Petco store in a town called Hawthorne, California.  I first saw Dan when he peered into the window of the bin I was staying in with my brothers and sisters.  I didn’t like it there too much because we weren’t treated real well. But again, it was the only place I really knew in my short life.  I don’t even remember where I was born.

There were usually a lot of faces looking in the window, but I could see that Dan didn’t see me and my siblings as sewer infesting vermin or reptile cuisine (Dan came up with those words).   So I came up to the window his face was pressed against and started playing with his fingers as best I could through the glass.  My brother, who later was named CJ, came up to the window and played a bit too. While all the others were sleeping or just lying around, CJ and I kept playing with Dan through the glass. He disappeared for a few minutes and when he reappeared, he was with a goofy looking guy who held a box. Next thing I know, CJ and I are in the box.

A short while later we ended up in a glass tank at Dan’s house. There was another boy rat in there, Josh, who was a little smaller than we were. We were all scared.

I learned that he initially was only going to get one rat for Josh, but couldn’t decide between me and CJ, so he got both of us.  I could see that Dan was a nice guy, so I kind of warmed up to him pretty quick. By the third day, I wanted to be on him all the time.  CJ was a little more shy.  He would hide in our box. He would come out a little, sniff around, but didn’t come out too much.  Josh would come out more. In fact Josh and I would play a lot more than CJ and I. Well, that was at first.  As time went by, we got to know Dan real well and soon, all three of us loved to be on him at all times. We love to run onto his lap and play with his hands. He plays with us and we go nuts. CJ probably plays with him the most now.

For a while, everything was great. We had this nice tank. We lived in the hallway and got to come out a few hours each day. When we were in the tank, we had plenty of food and water and space to play. Everything was cool. Then one day, CJ and I were taken away. We went to some place, a white place where humans wore white coats.  It smelled funny.  At least to me. I could hear other animals making noise. I think they were dogs, although I’m not sure since I haven’t really been around dogs. They could have been elephants or maybe airplanes.

Anyway, next thing I know, some human in a white coat takes me in a room and sticks this long, thin metal thing in my butt! Man, that stung! What the heck was his problem?  I was mad. That is, until I fell asleep. I woke up a little while later and was sore. Then I noticed it. My balls were gone! My boys, my fellas, my manhood! Missing!  That guy in the white coat must have taken them. I don’t know exactly what he did with them, but I bet he loves them as much as I did. I’m sure he got a lot of money for them. They were worth at least a million dollars.  It wasn’t right. Those guys were my pride and joy and some human steals them. Man, that sucked. But what was worse was how sore I was down there for a couple days. It was hard to run and play. Later when Josh would jump on me, I would  squeal.

I noticed CJ had the same thing. In fact where his boys were missing, it was red and what looked like string or something all tied up in there. I wanted to pull the string out and play with it, but I was too sore.  Dan picked us up and we were really glad to see him. When we got back home, we went straight to our box in the tank. It was hard to walk or do anything. That lasted a couple days.

The next week Josh left for a day and when he came back, he was in the same shape. I don’t know why these humans like our nuts so much. They must be like gold or something. I guess they’re worth a lot of money because ours got taken away.  But hey, we got lots of treats, though, and that’s cool. I just hope the guy who bought a house with my nuts is enjoying it.  I’m sure they’re worth least a house.

While we would playing in the hall, there was a wall between us and some girl rats. We could smell them, even hear them on the other side, but we never got to play with them. That is, until a few days after Josh’s nuts were sold for a car or something (I’m assuming whoever got them got at least a car).  Dan put us in the room with the girls. There they were.  Mimi, Hannah and Mickey.  We kind of fought a little at first. Then we became friends. We got to sleep in a big cage. It was weird. We were so used to the tank. I’ve always had glass surrounding me.  Now we had this cage, and not just a regular cage, but a big one. We had hammocks to sleep in and lots of food. It was like we were kings or something.  Sometimes I wonder if that’s what Dan got for our balls. He sold them for that huge cage. I’m sure he could have got more, but that’s okay. I love living in that big cage.

Shortly after we moved into the big cage and got to spend our days running around the bedroom, two new girls came, Belle and Hillary. They don’t have tails. I’m assuming Dan sold them for a boat or something. Must have got something good.  Those two girls don’t sit still for very long.  Josh really wrestles them a lot.

A little bit later, two more rats came, Petey and Cheetah. Cheetah is mean. We’ve had a couple scruffles but I think we’re starting to get along. They have a cage that’s even bigger than ours.  I’ve got to spend a couple nights in it.  Petey’s a pretty cool guy. He’s big too. He let me eat his treats.  I also noticed he had no balls too, like the rest of us boys. Someone is a rich man because of those balls.

Everyday we get a huge bowl of veggies.  When we go to bed at night, we get another bowl. We get good treats too. Dan gives us cereal, cheese